Your children are not out to get you;
They are designed to rebel and assert their independence;
Accept that they are noisy, messy, a fulltime job and need constant attention;
Instead of getting angry or trying to reason with children, tell them how you feel, use phrases like I think, I feel, I want.
See the situation from their point of view it’s mom’s job to clean my room
You only upset yourself when you get angry and frustrated and the job still won’t be done.
“Children need models rather than critics.”
– Joseph Joubert, French essayist (1752-1824)
As a training provider we are seeing more and more parents enrolling thier teenage daughters on assertiveness training courses.
Much of our behaviour is a result of how we are treated when we are young. Girls are more often taught the importance of compliance from a young age. Many are taught that the displeasure of others should be avoided at all costs. This means in later life that many women find being assertive contrary to their learned set of values.
It is important, especially for women learn the importance and real value of their own feelings and opinions. The displeasure of others, especially of the dominant or bullying type is not the end of the world. Ignoring ones own needs can be much more damaging in the long term. Remember it is not your responsibility to make everyone else OK. You should treat others with the respect that you would like to be shown yourself, but ultimately if it is reasonable to say no or make a request, then if this leads to the displeasure of others it is their problem not yours.
Never be afraid to speak up for yourself.
Breathe deeply when confronted with aggression from others and stand firm
Don’t let others control your emotions and use them against you.
Constantly remind yourself of the benefits of being assertive
Heather Buckley
assertiveness resource