Miscarriage and Grief

You will never forget the pain of your miscarriage.  I know because it happened to me – twice.  I did go on to have three healthy, happy children but I still think about my little angels on the days I lost them and when their due dates would have been.  But time is a great healer.  Time is a great healer.  When you are losing or have lost your baby, the way you are treated by hospital staff, friends, relatives becomes so clear – you think woman will be sympathetic but from dealing with (in my first experience) a midwife and doctor (both females) who (a) told me I was never pregnant (!), I lost my baby at 12 weeks and (b) I was imaging what I passed (when I said I had passed what to me looked like some kind of crustacean and had flushed away before thinking I should have kept that.  These people may be dealing with miscarriage everyday, I was not.  My baby (babies) was wished for and I saw my future, my family, wondering if the baby would be a boy or girl.  All my dreams and hopes were dashed away.  In the middle of this, I did deal with a very nice male doctor who was very gentle and sympathetic, no platitudes.  You need time to grieve – to get angry, to cry yourself to sleep.  You have suffered a loss and no-one can understand the way you feel.  But let your partner be strong for you.  Don’t think he doesn’t feel what you feel, it is different for men and let him do what he knows is best – taking care of you.  Why am I writing this today – because this day 10 years ago I lost my first baby.